Coffee-Kisses

Car doors smash like out of time drum beats, slamming against the metal of a car's body, the hinges straining silently. But the sounds are muffled, coming in through two doors. My brother lightly pats his feet against the arm rest of out couch, making consistent little smacks, clashing with the repeating sound of a clock, it's minute needle spinning in it's never ending circle. The stick clicking just slightly back before it swings forward with yet another tic, it's sound adding to the layers of hits, bangs and smashes. The keys on my keyboard click as I type the letters of my paragraph, clashing with the sounds filling the room. It's like a

My hands float while being pushed down all at once, the imprint of the memory of the door frame not visible, but constantly pressing into the soft flesh of the back of my palm. A weight being pushed down firmly on the thin speckled skin that covers my bone, as if it is trying to leave an everlasting mark that I will feel for ever and ever. My hands are suddenly made of only muscle, being stretched and tugged until it is well past it's limit, leaving it's mark on the inside of my flesh instead of the outside, gently pushing outwards as if it wants to break free. Gentle pressure pushing from all angles as I sit, waiting for it to end.

Emotions fight with thoughts Ideas spin around Opinions battle facts A never ending sound A buzzing rings inside my ears Controlling all my mind Kicking, screaming, fighting Never will it end I know my brain won't stop for years My thoughts continue on Never ceasing, never stopping Torture that won't end Inside my room and on my bed I lay in wait for sleep Seeking peaceful solace Within my nearing dreams Take me away where the flowers grow tall And the only voice is mine Where all my opinions are facts And ideas are all my own Take me off to where the bluebirds sing Easing my troubles away Where all of the children laugh

Love It's not right For someone so young to think that they are in love When they know nothing of what it is I know nothing of what it is Therefore I do not love Happiness Never true Always tainted Fake smiles and laughs, covering dirt and cuts and grime I fake a smile and a laugh Therefore I am not happy Friends Liars They turn and run away Ignoring what is real My friends turn away Therefore I do not have friends Family Timed They show you the world and leave 18 years of lives then nothing My 18 years are running short Therefore I have no family

Some people fake smiles But I fake frowns

I hold onto your hand she clutches your heart          squeezing tightly;          s           p            i             l              l               i                n                 g                   red. I hear your thoughts she tells you hers          never ending; only her. I catch you when you f                              a                               l                               l she tells you to get up          laughing quietly; she doesn’t care. I try so hard to tell you she has you wrapped around her finger          I cannot say; you are hers.

I don't know what it means When I see you and my heart shoots up my throat When, seconds after parting, I want to see you again When I curl up against the cushions on my chair, wishing it was you It hurts so bad when you talk about her And I can't tell you that every time all I want to do is jump on you and kiss you and tell you how much I appriciate you. I tell myself I can't love you Because I Don't understand and I'm scared But sometimes, when you say something, it plays A never ending mantra in my head That I actually could Sometimes, when people say your name I desperately want to tell them That I do I hope what I can giv

you say i know you love me but sometimes it's hard for me to remember when you won't tell me

when you breath in my ear "i love you." you don't know that when i arch my back and my breath cuts short it's because electricity shoots through my veins pooling in the bottom of my stomach caught up in pleaurable agony it almost hurts as i clutch desperately at air muscles tightening and i scream.

you say "i love you" i say "you too" and i never knew that it mattered but you're gone because i missed an 'i' when all i ever wanted was a 'you'